Why hello there Summer 2013! I can't believe we are already three weeks into the break. How do I ever find the time to go to work when there are so many other things to keep me busy ;-).
We finally shared our BIG family news about having twins at Julian's 1st birthday party last Saturday, and I'm glad that everybody finally knows! You have no idea how hard it has been to keep this secret. Naturally, news of this kind has a lot of people curious about the details. We've gotten so many funny (and not so funny) reactions, questions, and comments. Better to just go ahead and share the story than let people come up with their own conclusions.
I had a feeling I might be pregnant in April. There were a few nights where I had some cocktails and woke up the next morning feeling completely blah as if I had spent the whole night drinking. Took a pregnancy test and no surprise there, I was pregnant. Justin and I had been planning on continuing our family this year anyway so it came as a happy surprise to both of us. In an ideal world, we were shooting for this September so that I could take my maternity leave next summer like we did with Julian. It seems like God had other plans for us.
Flash forward several weeks later to my first ultrasound in May. Justin met me at the doctor's office like he has done for every ultrasound I've had. The nurse joked and said (just like when we were pregnant with Julian) "Don't forget to check for twins Dr. Allen!" I told Dr. Allen that wouldn't be necessary. Dr. Allen started checking for the heartbeat and said "Yup, there are two of them in there!" I told her that really wasn't funny and she said "Crystal, look right here. There's one baby here and another here!" I started laughing and couldn't stop, not for about five minutes. I laughed so hard I cried; tears were streaming down my face. Justin's jaw dropped to the floor and we both looked at each other and back at the screen over and over again. Dr. Allen gave me a whole bunch of pamphlets ("You Are Having Twins, Now What?" Stuff like that). She told me that our twins are fraternal and there is a 1 in 80 chance of conceiving twins naturally. I've always been the one that if there is a chance it will happen, it will happen to me. So we are the lucky 1 in 80 who are having twins!
How I felt in the ultrasound room is how I still feel today. Giddy with excitement. Terrified out of my mind. Blessed. Cursed. You name it, I feel it. I have no doubt in my mind that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everything. I also know without a doubt that God has a sense of humor. I guess He thought I would be able to handle having three kids under the age of two all at once. Justin and I had always gone back and forth about how many kids we wanted to have. I always said three, he always said two. Looks like that question is solved! It will be great to have all my children by the time I'm 30. This will be the last time I'm pregnant (thank God!). We will have the help we need when the twins come. Our kids will be close in age and be built in best friends.Not having to pay for childcare is one of the biggest benefits of them all. If I could change one thing it would be that I didn't have to work. Unfortunately that is something that is not in the cards for us...at least not any time soon. It is something that I have a lot of mommy guilt about, but again, it is not something that we will be able to change.
We will have to be more vocal about our need for help and support. People mean well but sometimes they don't always follow through. I've been reading a lot of blogs or articles from moms of twins or multiples and the one thing they say to do is ask for help because you are going to need a lot of it. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not good at asking for help. Later I feel resentful about certain things, but I need to get used to the idea of asking instead of assuming that people will offer the help. Gifts of time and diapers will be the most helpful. I will probably have to beg coworkers to donate sub days since we don't get paid maternity leave and I would imagine I will have to take at least 7-8 weeks off.
It will be the hardest time of our lives, but also the most rewarding. My husband has been the best daddy for Julian and he is so very excited about the twins. He's been the one to talk me through my (many) breakdowns and moments of panic. He has been the one to remind me that we are a blessed family and this is even more proof of how blessed we are.
