My own version of Oprah's "a-ha!" moment

My mom is a big Oprah fan and subscribes to her magazine "O." She always gives me the magazine after she is done reading it. Oprah has an editorial section called her "A-Ha Moment" where she shares some thought-provoking or life changing moments she's had. I've been having a lot of these moments myself recently, but they are a little bit different than hers-they are what I consider to be my AAH!!! Moments.

These AAH!!! Moments are moments of brief panic due to the realization that life is going to change so very, very much for us in a mere few weeks. You would think that I've come to terms with the fact that we are going to be the (proud) parents of twin girls, but you know what, truthfully I'm still in shock! Justin and I attended my work baby shower the other day and since then people have been asking, "Are you ready for them to get here now?" No, not even close. How is it now November and they are due in December? We don't have their rooms ready, the hospital bag packed, or even the dreaded mini-van purchased. Please don't get me wrong-I am so very excited about having twins. It's just that being a mom to a 17 month old, I know what I'm in for-A LOT of hard work, late nights, and constant supervision of not one, not two, but three children. Justin and I will be very tired, very stressed, and stretched to the limits all while needing to show composure and calmness in our home. That can be a lot to wrap your head around, hence all the AAH moments!

I hope I can do it all: be a loving wife, a wonderful mom, a caring friend, a hard working employee, and a supportive daughter/sister/in-law. I know that's not going to happen at all times though, and I just hope others in my life will grant me grace when I need it.

"Great is the enemy of the good. Sometimes good is good enough." And you know what? I think I'm just fine with that :).

Boundaries: How Far Is Too Far?

There's been a topic on my mind all week-boundaries. As a teacher, mother, wife, and friend, I feel  there have been a few times recently when I've been pushed to the edge of my limits and definitely one instance where things went too far. I consider myself to be a people pleaser; I dislike confrontation and conflict. There are situations though where you have to stick up for yourself  or others because enough is enough.  I've realized what my breaking point is and it's time to stop being passive about certain things.

A few years ago a dear friend gave me the book "Boundaries" to read. I'm really not into the "self-help" books-I can probably count on one hand how many books like that I've read in my lifetime. However, I gave it a chance because I was going through a tough time at my job due to expectations being placed on me and I figured it couldn't hurt. It really did change my view on relationships and expectations that others place on you, not just in the workplace but in friendships, romantic relationships, and family. After reading the book I came to the conclusion that it was time to move on to a new job, time to cut off toxic friendships, and how to say "no" to people when I'm usually somebody who always says "yes."

I'm a teacher and boundaries are pushed almost every minute of every single day. You post your classroom rules, go over the consequences of breaking the rules, and all is supposed to work out perfectly. If only! Each one of your students brings their own expectations and issues to your class, and then you have to work as a counselor, police officer, cheerleader, coach, and sometimes like a parent to make sure boundaries aren't pushed and expectations are met. It can be overwhelming and exhausting! Some days are definitely better than others. Thank goodness I'm at a school that I love; I have administrators that support me when I need them to; and co-workers who will listen when I need to have a "moment."

I'm a mother to the most adorable 16 month old boy, and man has he been busy exploring this whole concept of boundaries. Climbing on tables, hitting when he's upset, refusing to do something simple like brush his teeth, screaming at restaurants because he's bored. Where did he learn this stuff? It can make you want to pull your hair out! But you can't give in (ok, maybe when you're at the restaurant...) because then you are creating your own little monster. And to think we have a couple more on the way! One of the most impactful chapters in the "Boundaries" book is on parenting. More specifically, when your children grow up. It is so important to let them become the person they are supposed to become, not the person we want them to become. I see this a lot as a teacher-the parent desperately wants their child to be the best on the football team or have all A's or be a dancer because they failed at it. One of the hardest things is letting your own past go and letting your child use their God-given talents to succeed at whatever they are supposed to succeed at. It will be interesting to see the different paths my children will take (do I hear Broadway calling ;) )!

I'm a wife to a wonderful man. We have been (very) busy growing a wonderful family. That takes a lot of love, hard work, and patience. Unfortunately there will always be people out there who refuse to be happy for you or even impose themselves on your relationship. They have their opinions and voice them to you (or in some cases hide behind a computer and post about them). What do you do when that happens? You can't force a person to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected. You call them out on their bad behavior and let them know there will be consequences if the bad behavior continues (and believe me, there will be). I've realized after this week that my absolute breaking point when it comes to boundaries are when somebody threatens my family or my relationship. This week I've had to call somebody out on their hateful, untruthful comments. It wasn't something I particularly enjoyed doing but in the end I'm glad I did it. There's that saying that you can't fight crazy. I agree; but you can let crazy know to move on with their life and stay out of yours. I'm a firm believer that people create their own happiness (and unhappiness) and if you are more concerned about the affairs of others then something is very, very wrong with you.

People only treat you one way...the way you allow them to. What are some of your personal boundaries?

Seeing Double

Why hello there Summer 2013! I can't believe we are already three weeks into the break. How do I ever find the time to go to work when there are so many other things to keep me busy ;-).

 

We finally shared our BIG family news about having twins at Julian's 1st birthday party last Saturday, and I'm glad that everybody finally knows! You have no idea how hard it has been to keep this secret. Naturally, news of this kind has a lot of people curious about the details. We've gotten so many funny (and not so funny) reactions, questions, and comments. Better to just go ahead and share the story than let people come up with their own conclusions.

 

I had a feeling I might be pregnant in April. There were a few nights where I had some cocktails and woke up the next morning feeling completely blah as if I had spent the whole night drinking. Took a pregnancy test and no surprise there, I was pregnant. Justin and I had been planning on continuing our family this year anyway so it came as a happy surprise to both of us. In an ideal world, we were shooting for this September so that I could take my maternity leave next summer like we did with Julian. It seems like God had other plans for us.

 

Flash forward several weeks later to my first ultrasound in May. Justin met me at the doctor's office like he has done for every ultrasound I've had. The nurse joked and said (just like when we were pregnant with Julian) "Don't forget to check for twins Dr. Allen!" I told Dr. Allen that wouldn't be necessary. Dr. Allen started checking for the heartbeat and said "Yup, there are two of them in there!" I told her that really wasn't funny and she said "Crystal, look right here. There's one baby here and another here!" I started laughing and couldn't stop, not for about five minutes. I laughed so hard I cried; tears were streaming down my face. Justin's jaw dropped to the floor and we both looked at each other and back at the screen over and over again. Dr. Allen gave me a whole bunch of pamphlets ("You Are Having Twins, Now What?" Stuff like that). She told me that our twins are fraternal and there is a 1 in 80 chance of conceiving twins naturally. I've always been the one that if there is a chance it will happen, it will happen to me. So we are the lucky 1 in 80 who are having twins!

 

How I felt in the ultrasound room is how I still feel today. Giddy with excitement. Terrified out of my mind. Blessed. Cursed. You name it, I feel it. I have no doubt in my mind that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everything. I also know without a doubt that God has a sense of humor. I guess He thought I would be able to handle having three kids under the age of two all at once. Justin and I had always gone back and forth about how many kids we wanted to have. I always said three, he always said two. Looks like that question is solved! It will be great to have all my children by the time I'm 30. This will be the last time I'm pregnant (thank God!). We will have the help we need when the twins come. Our kids will be close in age and be built in best friends.Not having to pay for childcare is one of the biggest benefits of them all. If I could change one thing it would be that I didn't have to work. Unfortunately that is something that is not in the cards for us...at least not any time soon. It is something that I have a lot of mommy guilt about, but again, it is not something that we will be able to change.  

 

We will have to be more vocal about our need for help and support. People mean well but sometimes they don't always follow through. I've been reading a lot of blogs or articles from moms of twins or multiples and the one thing they say to do is ask for help because you are going to need a lot of it. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not good at asking for help. Later I feel resentful about certain things, but I need to get used to the idea of asking instead of assuming that people will offer the help. Gifts of time and diapers will be the most helpful. I will probably have to beg coworkers to donate sub days since we don't get paid maternity leave and I would imagine I will have to take at least 7-8 weeks off.  

 It will be the hardest time of our lives, but also the most rewarding. My husband has been the best daddy for Julian and he is so very excited about the twins. He's been the one to talk me through my (many) breakdowns and moments of panic. He has been the one to remind me that we are a blessed family and this is even more proof of how blessed we are.

 

 

Musings from a snobby concert goer

Yesterday Justin, Catherine, and I went to the Two Door Cinema Club show at the Palladium. It was the first concert Justin and I have been to since having Julian. I'm surprised I was able to talk Justin in to going to the show-I knew it was going to be a total hipster show, and my husband is anything BUT hipster. We both enjoy music so much but have a hard time finding music that we will listen to together. He was a great sport about it though, and we all ended up having a blast.

The opening act, Robert DeLong, was pretty spectacular to see. If you get a chance, watch a YouTube video of him playing. It is one guy, a bunch of sound makers, a drum set, a keyboard, a Wii remote, and a joystick. Watching him make music from several "random" noises was captivating. Two Door Cinema Club was pretty darn good. Not much else to say about them other than I can't wait to see them again (ACL perhaps?).

I've been going to concerts since I was 18 (yes, I was a late bloomer when I started going to shows) and it is something I truly enjoy doing. There is nothing like being at a live show with a group of people who listen to the same music as you do. It really is an experience. I've been to several dozen concerts and each time you see or hear something new. Last night's show was no different.

This was the first time I have seen a good portion of the audience use their cell phones to videotape or take pictures of the show throughout the performance. I'm not sure if it's because it was a "younger crowd" or what, but at any given time you would have at least 30 people directly in your line of sight using their cell phones. When did this happen? All I could think  about these people was, "Are you really enjoying the show? Are you really that afraid you are going to "miss" something? Are the people in front of me just really drunk? Or am I getting old and these are just the musings from a snobby concert goer who still adheres to a strict audience etiquette code of conduct?" Has anybody else experienced this cell phone phenomena at a concert recently?

Afterwards Justin and I talked extensively about how much cell phones can ruin a moment. People are becoming more and more dependent on their phones, often to their own detriment. With a cell phone you have instant access to a video camera and a camera. Your cell phone is always ready for action. There is no privacy for anybody anymore because somebody is always capturing the moment whether it is important or not. You don't want to be the person who wasn't videotaping that minute where something incredible happened and then you weren't able to tell everybody else that yes in fact you were really there! Look, you have proof!  

I think parents can be guilty of this as well, myself included. I'm becoming more aware of it, and that is the first step of changing bad behavior. You get so fearful that you are going to miss the first laugh, the first crawl, the first step, that you get irritated or scared that you won't capture a moment when it happens. Don't worry if you miss that moment. I promise, the moment will live in your heart as my mom so sweetly put it. Take the time to recognize and appreciate the moment and don't get so caught up in the implications of not having captured that moment. 

Like I said, it was a unique experience at the show. The music was amazing, and we really enjoyed the concert as a whole. Oh, and don't worry, we did manage to get one picture in-couldn't live without it ;-)

I Survived!

At 4:15pm today I had a little celebration. Nothing big, nothing fancy. My celebration consisted of breathing a huge sigh of relief because I had officially completed my first semester at a new job(s). That, my friends, is cause for celebration.

It's been a whirlwind of a semester, to tell you the truth. I had gone from teaching elementary drama at a school for almost 6 years, to teaching at not one but two middle schools this year. The past few years at the elementary school I had been feeling...like there was something else out there for me. That my skills weren't being utilized. That no matter how hard I tried I was always two steps behind and there was no way I was ever going to catch up.

Now I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be. I go in and I get to teach theatre to a diverse group of students who make me laugh...and laugh...and laugh. I don't think I've ever laughed more than I have this semester. Don't get me wrong, it's not all fun and games-there have been a few nights that I've worried myself sick or cried on Justin's shoulder and told him I was going to quit. But at the end of the day I know that what I'm doing is meaningful. My job has meaning. And that's a great way to feel. I survived my first semester, and Lord only knows what's in store for me the rest of the school year!

The end of this semester was marked by sadness in my personal life. My dear sweet Grandmother Nancy passed away last Monday morning. This woman was the only person in my life who always, and I mean always, had something positive to say to me. I think everybody needs somebody like that in their life. She would always end every conversation we had by telling me how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. She would also tell me to tell Justin the same. I'm going to miss that so very, very much. The holidays just won't be the same anymore. However, I am eternally thankful that she was there for me during every major life event I had. She was there for all my birthdays, graduations, relationships, pets, holidays, my marriage, Julian's birth, and his baptism. We shared so many laughs and tears. Though my life won't be the same now that she is gone, I truly believe Julian got a new guardian angel.

Julian and Grandmother visiting

I'm not good at vocalizing my appreciation a lot of the time, but I do thank my husband, family, friends, and co-workers who have helped me through this difficult time. They've offered me  shoulders to cry on, prayers,  hugs, sympathy cards and notes, or just listened to me when I needed to talk. I have the best people in my life a woman could ask for. Thank you, thank you.