Boundaries: How Far Is Too Far?

There's been a topic on my mind all week-boundaries. As a teacher, mother, wife, and friend, I feel  there have been a few times recently when I've been pushed to the edge of my limits and definitely one instance where things went too far. I consider myself to be a people pleaser; I dislike confrontation and conflict. There are situations though where you have to stick up for yourself  or others because enough is enough.  I've realized what my breaking point is and it's time to stop being passive about certain things.

A few years ago a dear friend gave me the book "Boundaries" to read. I'm really not into the "self-help" books-I can probably count on one hand how many books like that I've read in my lifetime. However, I gave it a chance because I was going through a tough time at my job due to expectations being placed on me and I figured it couldn't hurt. It really did change my view on relationships and expectations that others place on you, not just in the workplace but in friendships, romantic relationships, and family. After reading the book I came to the conclusion that it was time to move on to a new job, time to cut off toxic friendships, and how to say "no" to people when I'm usually somebody who always says "yes."

I'm a teacher and boundaries are pushed almost every minute of every single day. You post your classroom rules, go over the consequences of breaking the rules, and all is supposed to work out perfectly. If only! Each one of your students brings their own expectations and issues to your class, and then you have to work as a counselor, police officer, cheerleader, coach, and sometimes like a parent to make sure boundaries aren't pushed and expectations are met. It can be overwhelming and exhausting! Some days are definitely better than others. Thank goodness I'm at a school that I love; I have administrators that support me when I need them to; and co-workers who will listen when I need to have a "moment."

I'm a mother to the most adorable 16 month old boy, and man has he been busy exploring this whole concept of boundaries. Climbing on tables, hitting when he's upset, refusing to do something simple like brush his teeth, screaming at restaurants because he's bored. Where did he learn this stuff? It can make you want to pull your hair out! But you can't give in (ok, maybe when you're at the restaurant...) because then you are creating your own little monster. And to think we have a couple more on the way! One of the most impactful chapters in the "Boundaries" book is on parenting. More specifically, when your children grow up. It is so important to let them become the person they are supposed to become, not the person we want them to become. I see this a lot as a teacher-the parent desperately wants their child to be the best on the football team or have all A's or be a dancer because they failed at it. One of the hardest things is letting your own past go and letting your child use their God-given talents to succeed at whatever they are supposed to succeed at. It will be interesting to see the different paths my children will take (do I hear Broadway calling ;) )!

I'm a wife to a wonderful man. We have been (very) busy growing a wonderful family. That takes a lot of love, hard work, and patience. Unfortunately there will always be people out there who refuse to be happy for you or even impose themselves on your relationship. They have their opinions and voice them to you (or in some cases hide behind a computer and post about them). What do you do when that happens? You can't force a person to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected. You call them out on their bad behavior and let them know there will be consequences if the bad behavior continues (and believe me, there will be). I've realized after this week that my absolute breaking point when it comes to boundaries are when somebody threatens my family or my relationship. This week I've had to call somebody out on their hateful, untruthful comments. It wasn't something I particularly enjoyed doing but in the end I'm glad I did it. There's that saying that you can't fight crazy. I agree; but you can let crazy know to move on with their life and stay out of yours. I'm a firm believer that people create their own happiness (and unhappiness) and if you are more concerned about the affairs of others then something is very, very wrong with you.

People only treat you one way...the way you allow them to. What are some of your personal boundaries?